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Ever since her bf has been unemployed she been having a hard time being positive or focused in the positive side of things specially when co-workers harrass her about her unfortunate situation every day. She doesn't know why exactly she's depressed. She never thought she would be as stupid to let herself go the negative way. Specially after preaching to her family the importance of staying positive in life. Ironic isn't? (She thinks to herself)
She is trying to get back in track with her spiritual energy which seems to be finally "coming back" after a long absence. Trying to read books is not as easy as it used to be for her. There's always something distracting her from finishing. Slowly but surely she is getting in back in touch with herself. She needs it badly. It feels to her like an athlete that used to run in the trackfield but for some unknown reason to her, her legs have gotten numb and she lost control of its function and she hasnt been able to run no more. She knows its just a temporary disability, she just has to take a deep breath after a long break off the field and remember what is like to be able to run again. Right now she is in that moment of transition. She has gotten lazy and sadly but truly -habits are hard to break-. Ain't nothing new about that.
Good thing about her. Her present situation doesn't really scare her. For some reason difficult situations in life don't scare her, or maybe she is just an adaptable creature.
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o far the story of my life has been:

I am the good girl that everyone likes. Not because she is rich, or
have things that others don't. She chose to be ordinary, humble and
be funny. That would be her only weapon to conquer those she found in
her life. She decided she was gonna have the special ability to adapt
to people's situation. Therefore making life less lonely for her. She
would do anything for people to feel sympathy for her.But above all
she chooses to remain humbled hearted.She doesnt care about others
laughing at her, or not taking her seriously at all as long as they
remain on her side. She is afraid of enemies.She can't afford having
enemies so if she can't destroy them, she'll join them even if its not her
heart's desire.She doesn't care not been as wealthy as she would like
to be as long as she remains humble. As if humbleness is what keeps her
from loosing her sympathetic side towards people. Without it she thinks
she might lose her human side and become something like a machine.

The new story:

I decide to be succesful at everything I do. I have the magic touch.
Every action I make turns into success. I know it and I am confident
about myself. I am graceful at everything I do. All the choices I make
lead me to succeed.
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Let see, so far so good you got a friend that cares, and wants to help you for real. You have a lot of chances to succeed in this new city. You wont depend of your father, you wont even hear him wining this time. You have to tell him a different story though because you don’t want his wife to know how well are you guys doing. If she for some reason knows whats going on she is going to start doing stuff and praying to god that we get in a worst situation than she is. Therefore you gotta watch out what you tell your father. It has to be a different story. You don’t even have to tell him that you are in Rochester you could tell him that you are in Detroit instead and that is an ugly place something like new jersey and at this moment you are the one that will start to call him instead of him calling you. The point is that you learn to succeed without scewing up. That’s the plan you go you move you both start working you both find an apartment buy a car and VOILA!!! The youcan bring in your bf and start living the American dream.
Is not even about hating is more about you learning to grasp the message. Don’t hate, don’t hate, you’re hating whatever goes opposite of your point of view and your being a prisoner of hate because of that. You don’t have to. In fact you’re not meant to hate. You’re not mean to be a prisoner of a system of beliefs from society that creates your life the way they want dictate. But you cant hate either, if you do.. you missed the point. Just observe and try to move with what they cant fight you. Love, positive all the time even when things don’t go your way
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...And at night when everyone is sleeping, when there's no one awake around her, she starts transforming.
Her human body begins to shapeshift. The energy starts to change; energy of love surrounds the place. She gets into trance state. She becomes a shinning light, her whole body becomes light. Similar to the light of a White star. Light starts diminishing, little by little, till a silhoutte gets visible.
Long wings made out of pure white light, that irradiate loving energy, life pro energy, cover her from her back to her ankles. She opens her eyes slowly. The color of her eyes is darkish purple and can light up anytime she feels intensely. Her hair turns shiny white, long, straight and soft like chinese hair. Her skin is flawless, its color is light tan. Her eyelashes are thick, long and black. Her eyebrows are perfect. Her body is wrapped in what looks like latex and silk at the same time. The color is the same color of her skin it confuses itself with it. She doesn't wear any shoes.
Her abilities:
She is psychic, she uses telekinesis, can uplift herself in the air and fly. She can teleport. She has loving energy in her breath, in other words her energy signature is life-giving. Everything that's pro-life flowers, blossoms in her presence. She knows how others feel. She can listen to others very well from a distance. She can whisper to others before they see her.

After her transformation is done she teleports to another dimension. The home of others of her kind. Whenever she feels someone around her, in the human world is about to wake up she comes back and transforms into a normal human being...
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Everything they say you are; You Are NOT. Every label, judgement they put on you is an illusion. Its like a Matrix of illusion. Its like a web made of invisible air made by Thoughts of limitation. It won't work unless you fall for it. Unless you realize you're nothing they say you are. Its a Matrix of Control, limitations and it uses deceit to grow, to maintain itself alive.

If they say you're useless, they mean you're useless for them, for their system of slavery. They make you feel worthless so that they can get to you somehow. Meaning if they can get you to believe them, to believe in what they say they have you, they caught you, you're a slave once again. The thing is that all they have to do is have you believe. As simple as that.
And there's a funny fact about your relationship with society. Society can doubt you, question you, and judge you, and punish you, every time if feels like it. But can't do the same back. You are not allowed to doubt society, question it, or judge it, or punish it every time you feel like it. Just like the relationship a soldier has with his mayor/colonel/general/chief this person can give orders to the soldier whenever he feels like it, but the soldier cannot question the orders, not matter how stupid they are. The less you question, the better soldier you are. The less you doubt what society gives you, the better citizen, person, slave of it you are.
Again if they label you as female, you don't question it, because there's a whole system of belief your Society has given you since you were born to "prove" that the label female on you fits you. And to dare question it would be stupid, just like it looks stupid to the soldier to question his superior.
They talk to you in terms of mind and body and soul and spirit, will always in terms of separation what if you didn't have a mind..have you dare to question that? What if you didn't even have a body? Are you brave enough to question what your superior has taught you? What if what you consider Reality is nothing more than unquestion orders (limiting thoughts) your superior has given you, Soldier. What if there's more to life than just definitions, and fixed ideas given to you by Society?
What if you started living outside of those ideals? What if you didn't identified yourself with any label that's around you, that society has for you anymore?
Do you dare question your Superior? Do you dare to live outside the box, outsides the cage? Do you dare live in Freedom? Do you dare explore the Unknown? Is really not unknown but it might be to you since you consider Unknown everything that Society (your Superior) doesn't teach you, or feed your mind with. (IF you have a mind, of course).
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And there she goes again back into that place she wonders why? Whats the reason for her to keep going back to it? Is it something she is doing wrong? Something she is missing? Not enough thinking? Not enough worries? She wants out but .. would she be in better place after this? Now THAT's a tricky one.
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She needed to get in touch with herself once more and she did, and again something new was revealed to her on her mind.

"What is my true identy? What is the I AM presence?

The I AM presence is the Great unknown. Cannot be explained, can't be seen, heard, felt, touch or even imagined. It is simply beyond the mind. So if you think you've seen the great unknown, or felt it, or touched it, or smelled it... you are wrong, because all these are creations of the mind; and God (The I AM presence) is beyond the mind. So nothing that comes from mind itself can be it. It is beyond words, concepts, definitions, images, feelings. Meaning that if you think you've arrived at nirvana, as long as you can define it, or even notice it, you havent arrived.

Everything that you see, comes from the mind, everything that you know comes from the intellect, nothing is new with your mind, theres no freshness. Everything you know, you know by association. In other words you dont know things truly, you classified them by association. You create your world by association. Nothing is new. Same old is your mind. Once your mind stops thinking, feeling, creating out of imagination, then you'll find the I AM presence.

It cant be explained because only the mind can explain things, and of course this is beyond mind. Beyond humaness. So everytime you think you saw, felt, heard God, remember it is the great unknowable and that is just your mind trying to cope with something greater than itself. Trying to explain the unexplainable. Trying to find logic in something that is beyond logic."
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...something is happenining , she cannot exactly tell what it is but she can feel it, sense it, just like animals sense a rainy weather. She calls it a transformation just to put a label on it but she knows she cant describe it with words. Whatever it is she is sensing, its coming from the inside, and all she knows is that she loves it and that she IS ready for it!

she smiles at the fact that this "transformation" feels like a movie story where the protagonist is an ordinary girl, boring life, nothing out of the blue, bookworm, lives with her mother, always hangs out with her mother, no friends, feels comfortable alone, doesnt bother not having friends around, doesnt feel scared of loneliness. She doesnt complain about her life either, although her mother does it frequently. It looks like she feels fine with whatever it is that life puts in front of her, most of the time. When she is around friends, it takes a while for her to open up to them, the lucky ones that have patience and time get to see her in her radiance at last, joking and laughing with her. After all thats the only reason why she opens up to people; to bring a good time.

Anyway this aparently quiet girl has read a lot of books on the spiritual meaning of life and other similar subjects. She is always felt in her heart of hearts that she is not from this planet but once she's kept it to herself not to scare others. One day she begins to feel different like something big is happening inside her. Like she is giving birth to something she cant see, nor describe but feels different and exciting to her. Maybe she will have "superpowers", or be different like from another world and keep it secret from those who are not ready to know about it yet. ooh fascinating.

Whatever it is I embrace it.
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It's been quite a long time since she meditates at will. But since she bought the book : Your deepest intent" she's connected with higher knowledge as always happens whenever she reads a book. She reads it and at the same time she gets the same information from the book but explained in meditation. This time she was shown how to communicate through/with energy instead of words.
"...embrace the energy that is in front of you, dont think what to do, dont try to analyze it, or look for meaning, whatever it is just feel it, dont do anything else, dont try to judge it, or label it, just allow it to show itself to you, but you have to allow it. Embrace it, let it unfold in front of you. Learn to love it unconditionally only then will it show its true form to you..."
She then felt connected to being from other worlds in this Universe. They showed her that even though they might be more advanced spiritually or technologically than people from planet Earth doesnt mean they are more important or better than human being. On the contrary they respects us all the same as they respect themselves. Then she felt a beautiful energy of Harmony coming from "them" with everything else. It was amazing, beyond words the Love, unconditional love they felt for everything, and everyone.
Another thing she's felt lately is a more complete sense of her personality. Something like an aerial sight of her life. The funny thing about it is that it all makes sense and gives a clearer view of a personality but still something in her tells her that this is not all of her, that is all temporary, she is more than a personality and more than what has happened to her in the past. Theres more to it. Although she cannot explain it, or make sense of it she FEELS it.
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Sometimes in the middle of nowhere an Angel forgets his origins. He then finds himself craving for the very essence he's made of. Can't see for him, she can just love him and keep on loving him.
Here's a poem her partner in love wrote:

"Time is so cruel and life is so hard. nothing but a endless strugle and fight. no room to stay alive. Here i wait and shake and quake wondering were is my life who am i, am realy alive or is this nothing but a sickining designe perging me into a constante sad repitition of life.I havent felt alive for somtime but there is somthing that keeps me concios in this mizerable excistence. I havent lost myself yet i try not to 4get. Sadness...Lonelyness....Isolation...disintigration..... this is how one wuold describe my excistence. My Soul Is Dieng!
Missing hallf of myself on the other realm....
Were ar eyou....My Beloved...My Angel...My Spirit...My Missing HeartBeat.
I cant survive without u. My Soul SCREAMS for u! and my heart aches for u. even the escnece of my shadows weep. The once cruel thoughts have even beun to miss u! Were are u... my love... my.... other half,,,, my spiritual escence come back to me. Masake me whole... dont let me dicentigrate anymore... plz.. come to me.... Love me once more."
Current Mood:
melancholy melancholy
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